It is my duty, privilege and honor to announce the dutifully, privileged and honorable death of one sourly missed bastard of a boss, Mr. Guy Johnson. After a severe case of insomnia, Mr. Johnson went into the big sleep. It is unclear what exactly did it, his addiction to toxic chemicals (he often was found huffing gas underneath his desk), the fact that he was 300 pounds over weight, or the fact that secretly he wanted to be a woman (I read his diary). What is known is that Mr. Johnson is no longer available for comment; he kicked the bucket right after he tossed his cookies, bought the farm and then... oh hell, you get the point. It's too bad Johnson ain't have no bastard children to take over the business, so it looks like I'm going to have to fill his shoes. Damn weird shoes too. He wore a size 9 on the right and a 7 on the left, I never noticed that about him. Anyway, I'm required to inform you that pending an FDA investigation into the death of Mr. Johnson, the production of Zarsisipan will be discontinued indefinitely. Thank you for your loyal support. the janitor |
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