Dear Mr. Shlacappigus, I am thoroughly disgusted and repulsed by your ridiculous claims as to what Zarsisipan is and the problems it might cause. We here at Zartocksic Industries are totally exasperated and confused. Having done every possible form of research on our tasty and delectable thingy-majigor, we have concluded that the product is totally and completely safe*. Any claims that you have made are unfounded, because we don't even know what Zarsisipan is. Our researchers came up empty handed. We do know that Zarsisipan is tasty and delectable in our three delicious flavors; Purple 'e' Grape (TM), Gritty Green (TM) and Orangutan Orange (TM). However, we do apologize for not getting the colors quite right. Purple 'e' Grape is more of an off-white, Gritty Green, although tasty, delectable and gritty, is more of a beige and Orangutan Orange came out brown. Sorry. As far as your penile shrinkage, we recommend that you do not take Zarsisipan after a dip in the pool or while in extremely cold, or moderately mild temperatures where your testicles may be exposed. We also suggest that before blaming our "Wonder... uh, thing" (TM)** you "take stock at what you got" (TM) prior to enjoying any of our wonderful fruity flavors of Zarsisipan. You may be surprised to find that it's not our stuff that is causing your problems, but mother nature. Again thank you for your kind words on Zarsisipan. Your order for three more cases is on it's way. Sincerely, Guy Johnson Senior VP Zartocksic Industries "Take Stock In What You Got" |
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